Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
