How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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