I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
