Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
