Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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