dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
