Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
