dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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