i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Only a mothe r could love this liver
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I need a burrito and a hug.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
