Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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