I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
