You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
