And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
