youre lurking in front of me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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