I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the condom got lost in my hair
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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