I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
