The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
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I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
and you fell through a lawn chair
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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