You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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