I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
