i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
