"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Can Purell be used as lube?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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