My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
