hell yes lets make some ravioli
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
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That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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