Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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