haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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