New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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