I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
