Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
