corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you will always have a special place in my vag
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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