the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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