I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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