I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
