I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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