Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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