I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
