does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
