Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
