her vagine was all disorganized.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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