after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
