I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
