I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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