She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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