dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
