Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
