I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
