do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize