First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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