I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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