he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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