So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
