I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I puked a lego.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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