It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
