i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
