I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
