Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
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He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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