I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
