Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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