I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
