I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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