went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
