I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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