When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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