dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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