Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
