history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
