Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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