How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
