i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
